Five things to do before leaving a job

Quitting is a job can be difficult. We worry about the consequences for our career, the rebuttal from our manager, and perhaps most of all, the awkward conversation. Lots of different thoughts can go through your mind from, “what if they ask me to stay?”, and “what if they offer me a different position that I don’t want?”, to “what if they guilt me into staying for another few months?”, and “what should I do if they promise me there will be changes, when I know that in reality nothing will change?”. And so on… But how can you deal with this situation?

I’ve come up with a few tips, steps and phrases that have helped many clients in the past. I suggest learning these off and practicing speaking them out loud or with a friend. When speaking to your manager, make sure you say them clearly and confidently. If the conversation strays off in different directions, just bring it back to these answers and avoid offering additional new reasons. If you give someone an opening or an opportunity to question you, you might put yourself in a difficult situation and find yourself agreeing to something that you didn’t want — purely out of social pressure or panic! Here’s how to structure the conversation:

Prepare the conversation that you’ll have with your manager/employer before you hand in your notice. Many people find it tricky to have these direct conversations because they find it difficult to know what to say or awkward talk about anything sensitive. The important thing is to be firm, polite and clear on your decision. You can’t allow there to be any wiggle room.

Thank them for the taking time to speak with you during a busy schedule. Then, be gracious and thank them for the job, the opportunities, training, guidance or support that they’ve given you. Tell them “I’ve been thinking about this role a lot recently, and I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on”. 

Tell them you’ve decided to go to another position rather than leaving your current position. If they ask you to stay and you don’t want to, you can say, “Thank you for the offer. This hasn’t been any easy decision for me to make, but I believe the best thing for both the company and myself, is that I take on a new opportunity”. Showing them that it has been a difficult conclusion demonstrates you still care about them and softens the blow.

Acknowledge that they have a difficult job to fill your position, and reassure them that you will facilitate a smooth transition for the person taking your place. If they say anything confrontational like, “you’ve put me in a difficult position”. You can respond by saying something like, “I  would stay longer but I just don’t think it would be the most responsible thing to do considering my heart isn’t in it anymore”.

Repeat the key points if they question you on anything — don’t add new information as this opens up the conversation further, risking opening yourself up to unwanted questions. A good phrase to use in this instance is, “I totally understand where you’re coming from, but as I said…”. Every time you say the phrase, “as I said”, you know there’s no more new information being presented. You could also use, “thank you so much for the offer. I really appreciate it. It’s been a difficult decision to come to...but to be honest, I think this is the best decision for me at the moment”.

Finally, thank them for all the opportunities they’ve given you and for supporting your personal and professional development. Also, you might like to express your desire to stay on good terms with them and remind them that you’ll see them later (e.g., industry events, seminars, mutual connections).