This topic comes up so often that I felt compelled to write about it.
There could be many reasons why you’re not self-confident at the moment. I don’t know so I won’t guess. But I will provide you with one simple strategy that will help you deal it for yourself.
Firstly, please be aware that a lot of people are struggling with the same problem on a daily basis. They may have very good reasons for lacking confidence or they may just have very strong habitual thinking patterns. In any case, changing these is the key - but only if you want to. Some people feel comfortable in their old patterns and prefer not to change them because they don’t like change, which is fine. But...
If you keep doing the same things, you’ll keep getting the same results.
One Solution: Victory Stacking
This exercise is fantastic and should be used by everyone. So often we are only aware of what's going wrong or what we're afraid of and not enough time is spent celebrating and remembering victories. That's what this exercise is about. When you're finished, take a photo on your phone to look at whenever you need to remember the victories. Finally, remember to keep updating it as often as possible.
Take as long as you need to answer these questions. Avoid distractions, get a nice chair, a hot drink, and enjoy the process! Feel free to let me know how you get on.
Focus on the facts.
We can often fall into common pitfalls with our thinking patterns, some of which are mentioned in the book 'Richard Bandler’s Guide to Trance-formation’. The author warns us about:
Deletion: Leaving out information or facts that are relevant to the statements being made. For example:
A: "I had a terrible day yesterday!".
B: "Why? What happened?"
A: "I got clamped!"
B: "What else made it a bad day?"
A: "Nothing really...everything else was fine."
This person didn't really have a bad day - they just were annoyed because their car got clamped.
Distortion: Mind-reading is one example of this. The speaker claims to know what another person is thinking or how one particular action causes another, without any facts to back it up. For example:
A: "He hates me!"
B: "Why do you think that?"
A: "The way he looks at me and what he thinks about me."
Many people claim to be intuitive but that's different from being able to read minds. There is very little possibility that anyone can read minds correctly - and even body language can be misleading.
Generalisation: A person suggesting that there is no exception to their experience. They use words such as: always, never, all, none, everyone, nobody and nothing. However...
Repetition is very convincing
Saying or thinking something on a regular basis will be enough to make anyone believe that it’s true, even if it may not be true. Therefore, we have to be conscious of focusing on what's going well so that we can do more of that. It’s a simple idea but it’s not always easy to do - that's why I created the Victory Stacking exercise above.
Bandler, R. (2010) Richard Bandler’s Guide to Trance-formation. United Kingdom: Harper Element