This is probably my favourite concept on love and that’s primarily because it’s so simple and yet so effective. At any time over the course of a relationship, individuals in the couple behave on different levels of this chart and they may or may not have very good reasons for doing so. It can be really difficult to behave at level 3 if your partner is always at level 1 or 2, but let’s remember that level 3 is the optimum level and where we all ultimately want to be.
So let’s get practical. What do we actually do with an idea like this? Well, when I was studying to become a coach, my teacher Cloe Madanes, suggested that we spend 90 days behaving at level 3 regardless of whether or not our other half was doing the same. I think that this can be extremely difficult to do if your partner seems to be acting in a selfish manner and it then becomes particularly difficult to keep going in that situation. Nevertheless, that is the process that we were advised to go through.
"And what happens then if my other half is still not reciprocating my efforts after the 90 days?" is often the next question. Well, the answer we were told was that you might have to make some big decisions. Obviously, it's important to remember that we have to take the whole situation into account, including the length of the relationship, kids and/or other special circumstances, before making a final decision. It’s a bit more straight forward for people who are only going-out and not yet married.
Having said that, it’s not a ‘be all and end all’ kind of strategy - it’s more of a ‘good to keep in mind’ kind of strategy.
Take a look at the chart and ask yourself what level you are on at the moment? What level is your other half on? And what level are you both on in general? Level 1, 2 or 3?
I hope you enjoyed this post and would love to hear your feedback.